Sandy's Game Report

Today's player is Sandy, she walked to the desk with box 7, stopping to curtsy along the way. Her husband 'Cliffybabes', so that will be Cliff then, was in the audience. Sandy could have doubled as Christine Hamilton, but of course there would be no money in it, afterall who would want a double of her, or the original for that matter. She had a lucky green duck because emerald was her birth stone, are you keeping up, are you interested? No, maybe its because its Friday but I found myself thinking can we get on with it please. I got the impression that Sandy was conservative with a capital C

Round one: Lofty got us under way with box 14 - £500. The audience clapped politely. Next was Buz with box 11 - £10, and the audience were now doing their job properly. Sandy scanned the wings and settled on Gary with box 9 - £250,000, the audience groaned, but Sandy motored on, going for Mark's box 3 - £1000. Finally she settled on Tom's box 12 - £750. The round was ok apart from the big one, and the banker's first offer was £4200. Why would someone walk at this point? 'Toothache' suggested Noel. 'No Deal' said Sandy.

Round two: There was no sign of nerves from Sandy, she was there to make money and this was just business. She selected Rich with box 15 - £50p. I think someone had been working on the audience during the break, they cheered as if they had been threatened with eviction. Janie the new girl, box 21 - £3000. Dave (smiler) would be after the break with box 18 - he opened £5000. The offer now was £9400. Sandy checked with her husband - 'its your game, do what you want to do'. She turned to Noel - 'No Deal'.

Round three, Tan opened box 10 on £10,000 - try saying that after a few beers. Emma B opened box 17 - £100,000 - 'how perverse is that, exactly what I said shouldn't happen' said Noel, I was just reminded of my ex-wife. Initially Sandy went for Raj, but then changed her mind. Noel said, 'your first thought is usually your best', but Sandy was proved right, the lovely Terry opened box 4 - 1p. Noel talked to the banker and it became clear that things were not right, apparently the banker was very upset, Sandy seemed to have swatted away the previous offer so now he was punishing her with £3500. Sandy got annoyed and said 'No deal' just like Mrs Thatcher did to Argentina in 1982.

Round four: June opened box 13 - £5. We then had a nice bit of off-the-cuff clowning, which is a feature of DOND. June has struggled with opening boxes since the start and today was no different. 'See me after class for more practice in box-opening', said Noel - now if it was Emma B or Sarah I could understand. He was being cruel to June, Emma B and Raj comforted her and June said, 'I can't understand it, I thought he was so nice, I used to say he has a nicer bottom than mine'. Noel stopped in his tracks and then went to go round the back of the wing to check, but Raj went to meet him and towered above him like a giant cream puff, so Noel retreated. Back to the game, Sandy selected Morris, his poem today was better than some, 'good afternoon my darling Sandy, I hope there is a blue here so its fine and dandy', box 1 - £50,000 - I think there might be a rule in there somewhere about Morris's amount being inversely proportional to the quality of his poetry. Emma B wearing something in green, red suits you better, she opened box 8 - £50. Noel was quickly on the phone, he seemed to be getting irate with the banker, asking him 'why are you making this personal', and soon after he slammed down the receiver shouting 'oh shut up'. After the break Noel asked for help in calming the banker, Serious Simon suggested Sandy was doing perfectly well and the banker should wind his neck in a bit.and this was helpful exactly how Simon? The banker phoned again, Simon's card was now marked, finally serious Simon smiled. The offer was £11,000 which seemed to shock Sandy, mouth wide open like Edwina Currie in a turkish sauna for men. Cliff suggested something smart - he said look at the top and bottom of the board and the offer, what would you do. Raj said he would go on, but she needed to think about what she wanted from the game. There were several things that told me she was going to deal: 1. who she asked. 2. The way she nodded her head in response to Raj. 3. It was 16.55. She said 'Deal'.

Round five: Raj, box 19 - 10p. Maxine, box 6 - £15,000. Mark, box 22 - £250. The offer would have been £22,000. So Sandy had dealt at least one round too early.

Round six: Jason, 20 - £35,000. Simon box 16 - £100. Gorgeous Sarah had been deadly with the high numbers, surely she would have it in box 5, she did - £75,000. The offer would have been £5000.

Sandy actually had £20,000, Susie had £1 in box 2.

Is it me or did this game lack many of the normal qualitities of DOND? Yes there were some funny moments such as the play between Noel and June, but there was no tension, and the banker's faux anger just left me cold. As for Sandy, I am sure she is a perfectly nice lady, but there was no sign of a personality or character, and she played it very safe - clearly conservative with a capital, and a lowerccase, 'C'.

Sandy won £11,000.