Garry's Game Report

Here we are again, the faithful assembled in Noel's church to watch another crucifixion, or perhaps an ascension? Today was Garry's day. If George Cole and Denis Waterman could have had a child together it would have been Garry. A Covent Garden fruit and veg trader, married to Dena, who was not present, he had some wild experiences including running around naked at the Ryder Cup.

Round one: Box 9 is opened by the new guy, Peter - £15,000. The audience are strangely quiet. June opened box 2 to get them started - 50p. Mark opened box 15 - £50, the audience now beginning to get on board, but then silenced again by Tan with £50,000 in box 15. Finally for the round Janey opened box 8 on £10,000. The banker felt that Garry was a man after his own heart and offered £7000, which seemed pretty good considering that one of the power five was missing already. Garry pretended to think about it, but he was a market trader with an audience to work - 'No deal'.

Round two: Garry was playing a system, Emma opened box 7, £5. Buzz opened box 11, his first red (if we ignore yesterday) - £35,000 . Simon opened box 6 - £500, and Garry settled back in his chair, "Rit en, mista banka, make me happy". The banker reckoned he had cracked Garry's system, he predicted Garry would go for Lofty next, 'Absolutely', said Garry. The offer was £14,000. It as a good offer advised Noel. 'I deal with perishable goods everyday, if you hang on to them for too long their value can go, just like that', and he clicked his fingers. 'Its all about supply and demand, knowing when to stick and when to let go', speel finished, he looked across to Noel. 'No deal'

Round three: Lofty, box 22 - £75,000 - the banker was right, if somebody has worked out what the system was please let me know. 'Oooo, my dad would be screaming at the telly, why didn't you deal son'. Then he stopped, 'I've forgot my system, I'll have to ring the banker'. The banker phoned and Garry said 'Its alright I remembered but I've got a problem, after Richard its me', which produced the biggest laugh of the day. Garry went to Richard with box 3 - £20,000. The board now showed six blues against five reds, but there was a massive gap between £5000 and £100,000. Simon opened Box 13 for the absent Sarah - £5000. The banker stuck at £14,000. This seemed like a good offer to me, and to Garry, because if Garry pulled the two big boxes he was out of it. Garry claimed to be shocked, but asked Noel to ask him the question. Noel stood in front of the board, looking across at Garry - No deal' he said.

Round four: Simone, box 10 - £750, Garry off his chair now. Fran, box 14 - £1000 - 'thats fine' said Noel. Susie opened box 20 after the break, contestants holding hands, audience fingers crossed - 10p -'come on' roared Garry, fist in the air. Garry sat with his head in his hand like Rodan's Thinker as Noel talked to the banker. The board now contained £250,000, £100,000, £3000 and five blues. The banker remembered a high wire act he watched at Covent Garden as a child. 'Did he fall', asked Noel, 'no as a matter of fact he didn't' was the reply, Garry was now doing a high wire act of his own. The offer was £21,000, 'thats a result', said Garry. He took an age to answer the question, he shook his head at what he was about to do, and then said 'No deal..come on'. At this point I was shouting at the TV, sometimes you just have a feeling that the player is riding their luck too much, the gap between the top and anything else was enormous, and the offer was generous, it really didn't reflect the risk.

Round five: Beka, box 4 - £250,000, and Garry doubled over 'yet again this game stings', said Noel. Garry recovered quickly, scanned the boxes and settled on Tom with Box 1 - £100,000 - game over, it was as if Henry Cooper had come in, started with a punch to the stomach, and with Garry bent double, supplied a right hook to the chin. Garry now had his head in his hands on the desk, groaning. Eventually he managed to find enough voice to say 'Stevie, box 18' - £250. The audience were now barely able to clap. 'Lets get the job done, lets get rid of the penny', said Garry rallying, trying to find the positive, like del Boy at the end of nearly every episode of 'Only Fools and Horses'. The banker told Noel that 'after the high wire came a clown', the offer was £250. 'My judgement is what I am good at, but sometimes I hang on to the gear too long and get my fingers burnt', said Garry, gaining a handle by putting things in a context he understood. The offer was £210 - 'No deal' - Garry didn't even think about it.

Round six: Jason, box 5 - £100, Garry looking for the 1p, Maxine opened box 17 and there it was - 1p. Garry tried to whip up the crowd but they were pretty deflated by then. Patricia opened box 12 - £10. The board was left with £1 versus £3000, and the offer was £1400, and there were tow boxes left, he had 19, and another new guy (where is Raj?) had 16. Garry thought that £3000 for a week's work was not a bad result and his wife was born on the 16th, again he thought long and hard - 'No deal'.

The banker offered the swap and said that it took remarkable courage to turn down £21,000, indeed it did. Garry took the swap saying that when he married his wife Dena he had got the lottery. No regrets he said to the contestants, 'don't want no-one feeling bad', and then Noel opened box 16 - £1 - silence. James opened box 19 to reveal the £3000 which Garry had given away. Garry sat in shock as Noel consoled him with words of thanks for his contribution to the show. The phone-in winner gained £5000, so Noel returned to give Garry the last word. 'I should have phoned in', said Garry. If only they played the theme tune from Minder at the end it would have been perfect.

Garry you were great fun, but when did Del Boy ever win; if you had dealt at the end of round four with £21,000, now that would have been 'cushtie'.

Garry won £1.