Sarah's Game Report

Wednesday's game, Noel asked would it be 'dream money or a nightmare experience for ...Sarah'. I am at once happy that we find out more about the lovely Sarah, and yet devastated that this will be her last appearance, we didn't have a chance to get to know each other, no moonlight serenades, no skipping through fields of daffodils wearing German lederhosen, no laughing hysterically together at re-runs of Ironside. Sarah Monk took the walk of wealth with box 12, and then struggled to get on the high chair due to tight jeans (I'm in heaven, I'm in heaven). Sarah is a recognised author (because I would recognise her if I saw her again), she looked like Claire Goose from Casualty, only better. Unfortunately (for me) she is married to Terry, and felt lucky because she had Terry, and unlucky as the day her lottery numbers came up was the only day she forgot to buy them. A photo of Fred 'her baby', a Heinz 57 dog, who according to Sarah, was very lonely and in need of a friend. It had taken two years of constant nagging to get Fred, and she needed the money to persuade Terry to let Fred have a friend (now if you lived with me Sarah, you could have all the dogs you wanted, but my confidence is a bit shaken when you say things like 'two years of constant nagging').

Round one: She asked Rich how he felt about his box - he had no feeling. Sarah decided to select him anyway and Rich opened box 13 - £50. Noel asked why did she take a risk on the first box, 'Its ok to get advice, but its up to you whether you take it or not' she replied. Sarah made it very clear that she would not be rushed, she was going to take as long as needed for each decision. No problem for Noel, he went off stage to get a newspaper (the Metro) and a chair. [Is the metro distributed in Bristol?] Finally she selected Susanne with box 2 - 50p. Sarah already seemed to be struggling, concern showing across her face. Fran was next with box 4 - £3000 - a low red was fine. A slight smile returned to her face. Sarah decided on Colin, who struggled with his box yesterday, so Noel took him slowly through the process - 'Seal to no seal', a pun that went over the heads of the audience. Colin opened box 18 - £750. 'This is a fantastic opening round if you can hold this together you will be doing really well', said Noel. Why does Noel do this, its invariably the wrong thing to say. I thought bring on the £250,000, but no, James opened box 16 - £15,000. The offer when it eventually made its convoluted way to Noel's mouth, was £9005. Sarah was not stopping at he end of round one - 'No deal'.

Round two: Sarah was determined to take the longest time for each decision, so it is likely that for many of the boxes the lead up was edited down. Mark finally opened box 9 - £5000. Simone next with box 22, and this was Sarah's first big mistake - £75,000. Sarah selected Raj with box 10, and as always with the third box of round two, the lid was lifted after the break - £1. 'Now what are you thinking' asked Noel. 'I love Raj', said Sarah, wiggling on the stool. The camera cut across to Terry, who didn't look as if he loved Raj. The offer was £4000. Sarah was smiling, her mind made up before the offer was made - 'No deal'.

Round three: Buzz, box 14 - £10 (he loves these blues). June, box 21 - £35,000 - second of the power five gone. Noel walked towards June, 'You've done it again, June - £35,000', in the style of Del Boy talking to a deaf Uncle Albert. Emma wearing a similar shirt to Sarah, looks a bit like Sarah, think I'll go for Emma after Sarah's gone, I'm so fickle. She opened box 1 - 10p. The banker offered what he suggested was walking money - £15,000. Sarah didn't even flinch, but she did check with Terry. She said to Noel 'This is a really good offer, but you know when you reach that deal or die moment - no deal'. It seemed impossible to deal with three of the power five still in play, including the top two, but very often the offer at the end of round three turns out to be the highest of the day. The banker expects a 'no deal' at this point, so he amplifies this offer to excentuate the pain when he offers low at the end of round four.

Round four: Six reds against five blues. Carlton, the new guy, opened box 5 - 1p - and Sarah ran around kissing Carlton and Noel, the brazen hussie. Noel, with a Kevin Keegan sense of timing, said 'this is shaping up to be one of the best games we've had in a long while', and you just know that something bad is going to happen. Of course Drew had no chance, he opened box 3 - £250,000. 'Poo' said Sarah. She was going for Peter, box 11, and then Peter said that she should not, so after the break she went for Stevie - where has Sarah been for the past week or so? There was a discussion about how awful Stevie had been, consistently destroying people's games, yet Sarah was determined despite Noel advising against it. Stevie opened box 6 - £100,000 - Sarah was left with her gorgeous mouth hanging open in shock. The offer from the banker was £5000, Sarah had just lost £10,000. She was committed to the game now - 'No deal'.

Round five: Janey, box 7 - £250. Jason, box 15 - £10,000. The board only had £50,000 of the power five still in play. Patricia, who could probably give Stevie a good run for her money, opened box 20 - £50,000. Sarah's smile had faded, she was in damage limitation, her voice still steady, but without sparkle. The board had three blues against £20,000 and £1,000. The offer was £1500, but Sarah had made her decision even before hearing what the offer was - 'no deal'.

Round six: Tom, box 17 - £1000. Gorgeous Becca, box 19 - £100. Contestants were holding hands by this point, praying like lambs in a slaughter house. Sarah went for Peter, her voice implying acknowledgement that this was against Peter's earlier advice. However Peter was insistent, so she changed her mind again, even though Lofty was also convinced that he had a red - Becca had her hands over face, almost unable to look. Even though the power five had gone, this was a tense moment. Lofty opened his box 8 - £5 (never trust Lofty's instinct) and Sarah ran across to kiss Peter. The offer now was £6000. The board contained £20,000 against £500. Terry said 'Sarah has come here to do a job, and she will just do it'. Sarah said, 'I am buying these guys a drink tonight - Deal'. Apparently contestants cannot be certain that they will be offered a swap, at least according to Noel, and as Peter had got her this far, she decided not to risk any further. [I think we need a definitive ruling on the swap issue.]

But of course Sarah's box had the £20,000, Peter only had £500 in his box 11, if she had kept going she would have been £14,000 better off. Why 'of course'? Because here was Sarah's lottery numbers again: she would have had the winning ticket if she had bought the box - its funny how people keep walking the same path over and over again.

Sarah won £6000.