Max's Game Report

Saturday night, 'we are going to have a great game tonight' said Noel clearly operating on belief rather than certainty. Who did they select? Max. A cuddly, bundle of joy in peach, a more attractive Jo Brand, excitedly made her way up the walk of wealth with box 18. She took her lucky necklace made by her son 'Georgy Pud', who advised her to just be herself. She also took photos of George and her husband Mark, who was in the audience.

Round one: John the new guy, 'could destroy dreams' according to Noel, opened box 3 - £5000. Simone next with box 9 - £50. The crowd almost started to clap but stopped again when Becca opened box 16 - £20,000. Jason lifted the lid on box 19 - 50p - and finally the crowd got a chance to cheer. Tan completed the round with box 22 - £1. And she was exhausted already, a bundle of nerves, fanning herself with a piece of paper. The banker felt a little worse for wear, having mixed the grain and grape the night before, and we found out that the banker is single - I wonder which came first his mentality or his lack of company? 'I'd like to open the box now and take whats in it' said Max, but Noel counter struck with the offer - £8800. She was gobsmacked. It took some time, but nobody deals at the end of round one, and Max was no different - 'No deal'

Round two: June opened box 5 - £5. Max was now pacing back and fore in front of the desk, Fran opened box 20 - £100. The smile had gone, Max realising that things were seriously good. Simon was going to be next, but the break came first. On the return Simon opened box 15 - £250,000. One of the really great things about DOND is the way the flow can suddenly change completely with the opening of a single box. 'Its meant to be..I'm going to the Max' said Max. Noel sighed looking at the 1p, 'we do have a bit of work to do, if we are not going to the min'. The offer was now £2200, reflecting the big one being taken, Max smiled as if she had been told that her favourite pet had just died - 'No deal'.

Round three: Stevie, box 7 - £75,000, 'I told you to leave me alone'. This dialogue would have gone for a lot longer but Max cut in with a flash of anger 'while I am on a flow I've got to go, sorry darling', she was anything but sorry. Patricia next with box 11 - £1000. Buzz to end the round with box 4 - £3000. Max was pacing, frustrated - Noel trying to keep a lid on things, looked slightly concerned. Waiting for the offer, Max picked up the photo of her son and kissed it. The offer was £5500 - 'an expected offer' was her reaction. Her husband felt 'there was more to come'. She had gone a bit quiet now, the power five were disappearing fast - 'No deal'.

Round four: Lofty, box 10 - £35,000. Emma, box 2 - £100,000. Only the £50k left of the power 5. Richard opened box 6 after the break to reveal 1p - the crowd cheered. The banker apparently sounded sinister, guarantee-ing that the 50k would go in the next round - the offer was £3800, the same amount that Terri left with earlier in the week. Mark, her husband 'felt it was more fun to carry on', Max went up to him, towered over him - 'Are you serious? Are you serious?' - from her voice you might have thought Mark had just admitted that he was gay and was leaving her to live with four poofs and a piano. She returned to Noel, 'absolutely no deal!' This was all very over the top!

Round five: Buzz, opened box 12 on Raj's behalf (we found out that he is poorly and will be coming back) - £750. Tom opened 10p. Max's tongue was now very unattractively between her lips. She went for Mark, box 1 - £250. An all blue round, Max's eyes like saucer's, her mouth wide open. Max went in to the lotus position, pretending to be in a trance while Noel talked to the banker. Noel related what Max was doing, and then he replaced the receiver - the banker's offer was 2 weeks of therapy, I think it will take a lot longer. He phoned back with the actual offer - £7700 - Max sat clicking her fingers. The board contained two blues against £10,000, £15,000 and £50,000. 'Thats a lot of money, I don't know if I should play on or not, so I am going to make a phone call, I am going to phone my banker'. She picked up a pencil sharpener that was at the desk and held it to her ear, 'Hello its Max, you were expecting the call I know, after £7700 what do you think I should do?... Right decision made.... Bye sweetie'. By this point I just wanted God to exist afterall and strike her dead with a bolt of lightning. Noel asked the question - 'Deal'.

Round six: James, box 8 - £50,000. Sarah box 13 - £10. Box 21 - £10,000.

The last two amounts were £500 and £15,000, the offer would have £4000. Max standing praying as Noel opened her box - £500. Janey opened box 17 to reveal the £15,000.

This was a strange game, and while the audience and Noel seemed to be entertained by Max, her performances made my toes curl. At the end I was left with the distinct impression that actually Jo Brand was more attractive.

Max won £7700