Colin's Game Report

Tuesday, waiting for DOND to start. More 4 advertised their 'classic films in the afternoon' series with a shot of Jane Mansfield changing direction while walking in an amazing dress - ladies is there any possibility that these might be become fashionable again? Please?

And then we are off, according to Noel we are 'officially addicted'. He reflected on yesterday, 'Simone's game was cruel. The contestants now had to erase that memory', again I disagree with Noel's opening remarks - surely it is through accumulated knowledge that players make the best decisions - Simone should have dealt earlier, and other players would do well to remember her experience.

The lights stopped flashing and we were in trouble, today's player was Colin, who has said some very strange things in earlier games. As Colin arrived at the desk, he had a wide-eyed, fixed grin on his face, and he wore thin rimmed glasses - Wile E. Coyote had just walked out of a cartoon and into the DOND studio. Apart from box 15, he had photos; one of a cat which pretended to be friendly, but 'most of the time bites your hand off', he brought this to remind himself of the Banker (nothing crazy about that). Another photo was of his wife Doreen (not present), and another was of two of his grand-daughters, Annabel and Louise. If he won the big money Colin wanted to move next-door to Noel; Noel joked that he was now hoping for the 1p. Noel asked, 'are you ok?...you are amongst friends'. The thing is, Colin really did seem to be barking mad, reckless and care-free - these were good attributes to use in confusing the banker - it occurred to me around this point that we could actually witness a great game.

Round one: Jo, box 5 - £250,000. Colin put his head down to the desk, then turned to look up at Noel, 'You don't want me to live next door to you, do ya'. 'Yes' said Noel, fists in the air in mock glee, and then he became serious, reminding Colin of Gaz's game where the same thing happened before Gaz left with £100k. Buzz was next with box 20 - £100. Teresa, box 12 - £1000. From contestants reactions it had already become clear that Colin was very popular amongst his peers, people were genuinely sorry to see him go. He went for Louise, box 2 - £750. Big Ron, the new guy, (more like Santa Clause) box 16 - 1p. Colin roared to the skies, and then was going to select James but the phone went. 'Ah shurrup', said the interrupted Colin. The Banker thought Colin looked like a ventriliquists dummy, and he couldn't go to the end because 'he hadn't got the gottle'. The offer was £2200. Colin referred to the Banker as Jasper (the name of his cat), and then he said 'No deal'.

Round two: James, box 7 - £100,000, again the start of the round was bad. 'Looks like a house in blackpool now doesn't it'. Richard, box 9 - 50p. A happier Colin sat back into his chair. He chose Joan, box 10 - after the break she opened £3000. The Banker reckoned that statistically people didn't recover from this position, Noel wasn't so sure, and Colin said 'there is always a first time'. The offer was £4400. Colin looked at the board, he was becoming serious now, the £75k would give him the deposit on his house in France. 'No deal'.

Round three: Janie, box 4 - £50. Lee, box 6 - £5. Scott was chosen and said, 'When I came out of the hotel this morning, I heard a wilderbeast....', he couldn't keep it going, box 17 - £10,000. Colin was quite happy. The board had five blues against six reds. Noel asked him to describe what he thought he had in his box in the same way that he had forecasted previous boxes. Colin looked to the box, 'I think there are £75,000 in that box which is a lot of animals'. Noel wanted to keep the maddness going, like bear-baiting 'What kind of animals?' Colin continued to stare at the box 'very pretty ones, with pink flowers down the side, I thought I saw one especially, with jeans and a flowery shirt ...called Noel, but of course that's extinct now'. Noel talked to the Banker and returned 'He is now offering you two badgers, eight otters and a stoat, and that is weasily the best offer you've had'. He had doubled again, the real offer was £8800. 'That would make a difference to me, it would pay the wife's hairdressing bills'. Ask me the question please....No deal'. I felt that Noel and the Banker were becoming more crazy as the show went on, while Colin was becoming more coherent - the tail was wagging the dog.

Round four: Peter, box 21 - £20,000. Suzanne, I can't remember this woman even being pretty before, and today she looked gorgeous, she opened box 3 - £50,000. 'oh no, disastrous', said Noel. It wasn't good, but hardly 'disastrous' Noel. After the break, Yvonne opened box 19 - £15,000. An all-red round, leaving five blues against three reds, but including £35,000 and £75,000. 'If I can do two blues and a red in the next round we'll be ok', surmised Colin. 'Why not three blues' asked Noel. 'Because of the way it has been going up till now'. This man was crazy like a fox. The offer was £3300 - 'No deal'. The shell was breaking, the real Colin was coming through, he needed the money, and he had one more fight left in him.

Round five: Becca (sighs deeply at what might have been if I had endless amounts of money and was 10 years younger), box 8 - 10p. Colin turned to the audience, raised his arms and screamed 'yes, come on'. Drew, box 1 - £1. Colin turned and did the same thing again. Daz, finally with box 18 - £500. This time Colin stayed where he was, energy spent, nerves frayed, his hands in front of him in prayer. An all-blue round just when he needed it. The audience now were shouting, screaming, stamping their feet. 'When you try Colin, you can do it', said Noel in the accent of the Rodney Bewes from the Likely Lads. The offer was £10,000, the highest so far in the game. The camera closed in on Colin's face, 'Its a lot of money to me, and the way this game has gone.... I'm not using self-belief, but what I call common sense....Deal'. And with that Colin transformed, the stress was gone, his smile was genuine, he could finally relax.

Round six: Stevie, box 22 - £35,000 (the Banker had lost his window of opportunity, the Black Widow was back to her old ways). Fran, box 13 - £5000. Carlton was back, he opened box 14 - £10. The board was left with a choice between £250 and £75,000, the offer would have been £22,000 (I have to say I find this hard to believe, at the same point yesterday where Simone had £1 against £75,000, the offer was £15,000). Noel opened Colin's box, while suggesting that Colin had made a mistake, but he hadn't - £250 - Nessie had the £75,000 in box 11.

Colin had played a blinder. If you are of a certain age you might remember an episode of the Colditz series, where one of the British prisoners pretended to be insane, so that the Swiss Red Cross would re-patriate him under the terms of the Geneva Convention. By the time he fooled the Nazis and got back to Blighty he had actually become insane. I just hope we got to Colin in time.

Colin won £10,000