Smiler Dave's Game Report

They have done over 160 shows now, if they started repeating the opening sequence with Noel speaking these now immortal words: "twenty two boxes....", would anyone really notice? Noel referred to yesterday's game, Terri was a most tortured soul, she had lost her nerve, her self belief, her confidence - players needed to build a powerful relationship, suppress greed, be in control of their aspirations at all times. Again he was speaking to the camera, but the advice was aimed at those in the wings, you could almost hear 'those who are about to deal we salute you'.

Finally its smiler Dave's turn for the walk of wealth, he had box 17. As he strutted to the desk, presenting his box to the crowd, and egging them to cheer louder, I wondered who came first Dave, or Harry Enfield's Loadsamoney. By his accent Dave was a Scot from somewhere north of the Glasgow/Edinburgh belt, and he had been a student for seven years; he thought he should have a Phd in partying. He had brought a photo of himself with a group friends, ten or so people crammed in to an atic room - cosy. His girlfriend Katrina will probably be packing her bags, he referred to her as baggage. Noel had a 'suspicion' that the £250k would be won by a young man or woman who was free to think without the emotional pressure of family ties.

Round one: Garry said 'Who's the daddy?' and opened box 5 - £250. Box 14 was opened by a dour Patricia £35,000, as if she knew what was in it. Simone opened box 19 - £500, again saying 'Who's the daddy?' Beka, the new girl opened box 9 - £20,000. Maxine was going to be next with box 10, 'I had £75000 in box 10 yesterday' she warned. Dave glossed over Maxine's warning, 'thats ok, we'll go for it', said Dave - £250,000 - a lesson learned the hard way. The banker decided Dave was 'a strutting peacock' and he was going to 'send you home crying like a baby', the offer was £800. Smiler grinned, 'well that makes things quite easy then - no deal'. This aspect of DOND where the banker claims to dislike some of the contestants, just leaves me cold, I see no point in it, the players certainly go through a range of emotions during their time in the hot seat, but I don't believe the banker has any need to.

Round two: June, box 2 - 1p - and finally the audience wake up. Stevie, fretting over her first performance yesterday opened box 6 - £15,000 - 'ignore me, ignore me, pretend I'm not here', she wittered displaying her lack of grasp on the game. Mark opened box 4 after the break to reveal £50. On the return Dave explained that 'Who's the Daddy' was in reference to his position as 'father' of the contestants, a title first held by JT, then passed to James and now Dave - who would be next?. Dave was looking to the rafters as Noel listened to the banker, the offer when it came was £5001, the banker claiming that he had mis-read Dave's smile as arrogance. No deal said Dave.

Round three: Susie, 'my reds are going down, last time it was £1000', she opened box 13 - £5. Dave now taking his time went for Lofty, who gave a pained expression on being selected, explaining that he was sure he had a big red. Dave took the advice so he went for Emma, who opened box 5 - £3000. Dave was now going for Jason, box 11 - but again Dave was warned that there was a big one. He couldn't keep chopping and changing, he said to Jason, 'just believe, lets go for it.' the same words he had used to Maxine, and the same thing happened. Jason opened the lid on £100,000. 'Uncanny' said Noel, absolutely said I. According to the banker the offer was the weight of Dave's ego in £s - £5000. 'Its not a bad offer', said Dave -'No deal'

Round four: No smile now, Dave was surprised at how badly things were going. He selected Tan with box 12 - £1000. Tom was going to be next with box 3, 'I hope its blue but feels like its a red', so Dave switched again. He went for the King of the Blues - Buzz - with box 21.'Don't you worry mate, I'll give you a blue', and he did - £1. Promised and delivered, really, really funny. This lifted the mood massively, everyone laughing and cheering at the dynamo that is Buzz. Noel then had a spark of genius, Dave should make things easy on himself, he should ask the King of the Blues where the next blue is, and Buzz had absolutely no fear about stepping up to the mark. He sat in Dave's chair, looked at the board, turned to Dave and said 'which one do you want?'. Buzz rubbed his hands and selected box 1, Noel called a break before it could be opened. After the break Simon opened box 1 - £10,000 - Buzz returned to the wings, tale between his legs, but the £10k wasn't that disastrous, the board now contained five blues against three reds, including £5000, £50,000 and £75,000. The banker was offering £10,000, claiming that it was the loose change in his pocket. Buzz said if you don't take the offer, you are going to have to go the whole way. Noel agreed with this view. 'Ask me the question' said Dave. Noel did and Dave said, in a weak husky voice, 'no deal', smile nowhere to be seen.

Round five: Janey, box 7 - £5000, thats fine said Dave. Contestants holding hands, Rich was next with box 22 - 10p. Dave was up, perhaps he realised that he needed to raise his game, he was running to the wings, clapping and kissing as he went round his children. 'Don't celebrate too soon' , warned Noel. Dave returned to the chair and Box 16, Raj - £750. 'Now you can celebrate, now you can celebrate' said Noel, his voice rising from 'loud' to 'yell', and everybody started to party. The board now had three blues against two of the power five. The banker claimed his offer showed respect and honesty but Noel thought the offer would give pain - it was £18,000. Dave said, 'I've earned that', but the banker had finally found Dave's threshold. 'This is hard' he said, over and over again, was he going to deal now? His head was back and fore, we saw under his chin, and the bald patch at the top of his head (maybe it was the lights), he was puffing, the decision going back and fore like Terri yesterday. Noel asked the question, and then asked again, Dave turned to him - 'Deal', he said resignedly, adding 'that was really hard'.

Round six: To complete the game Fran opened box 8 - £10. Box 15 was Simon again, opening for Sarah who was still off ill (get well soon Sarah, apart from Emma the girls on there without you all look like BA stewardesses) - £75,000. Box 3, Tom - £50,000 - as he had predicted in round four. So if Dave had not dealt we are to believe he would have lost everything in round six. My problem with this is that he selected Tom, even though he had rejected him earlier because he thought a high red was in his box. Wouldn't he have kept Tom to the end? Everybody cheered, Dave shouting 'The perfect game, the perfect game'. The offer would have been £24. 'Who's your Daddy' said this unusually confident Scot, he actually had £100 in his box, and Lofty opened box 18 on £10, not a big red afterall.

Not a bad result, certainly Dave went away with the highest offer he had received, and he had beaten the banker. Perhaps if he had gone to the end he may have walked away with Tom's box, but he could have decided to follow Lofty's advice instead, so all in all he probably dealt at the right time. It will certainly pay off the first three years of his student loan, and he had shown, as Noel had requested, that he did indeed have control over his aspirations.

Dave won £18,000