Jason's Game Report

Its Monday, but thats not why I'm depressed. Its raining, masses of grey clouds barging across a dull sky, but thats not what makes me sad. No, its Noel advertising DOND for The Sun. How has it come to this? This game is not meant for the likes of The Sun...is it?

Anyway, to work, Noel appears as bright as ever. Today it was Jason taking the walk of wealth with box 17. Jason had written in his profile that he was Jason von Willberough, direct descendent of the Hapsburg Willberoughs whose dynasty ruled parts of Europe from 800 AD until 1956. He lived in Woking with Princess Karina. Now I have no idea why he wrote that, nor indeed why Noel read it out. The real Jason had been an estate agent but then went in to re-development and lost a packet, or as he said, 'it didn't quite work out'. He looked as if he was a veteran boxer i.e. a well-punched face, a mixture of Bernie Winters and Lou Costello, he couldn't go home with £5,000, he was here to win the big money.

Round one: Jason was 'strangely drawn' to Mark's box 5 - £20,000. In a brave decision to get rid of any bad luck early he went for Stevie, box 20 - £50,000 - she was clearly back on form. Lofty next with box 3 - £5. Jason now had a chance to cheer loudly and took it with both hands. Louise, the new girl, was going to be next with box 14, and then he changed his mind because his daughter had advised him to keep 14 to the end. So he went for Patricia, box 1 - £35,000. As Noel pointed out this was shaping to be one of the worst opening rounds ever. For the final box of the round, Jason decided on Rich with box 8 - 10p. Taking up the estate agents mantle, the Banker described the board as nicely open-plan, with a clear view of the back wall (where power five reds should be). He offered £1400. Jason didn't waste time on it - No deal.

Round two: Carlton, box 6 - £100,000 - a nervous laugh from Jason at his bad luck. He asked if anyone had a feeling that they had a blue in their box - no-one was helping. He asked each contestant, starting at the beginning of the West Wing, they all said, one by one, that they had no feeling, or that they felt theirs might be red. All, that is, until he got to June, about half-way through the East Wing. She said 'I have a blue', so Jason went with that. June opened box 13 - £250,000 - I couldn't help but laugh, it was just so awful. Jason was having an unbelievably bad game - by mid-way through round two we were down to a one box game - £75,000. After the break Drew opened box 13 - 50p. The offer was now £2800, Jason quickly determined that were still a lot of reds higher than that amount and so, with conviction, he said - 'No deal'.

Round three: As Peter opened box 19 he said 'don't worry, keep the faith and we will get there' - £1000 - another red, the bad luck was relentless. Each time the camera returned to jason, it was to catch his action of looking up from his shoes. Suzanne next with box 21, she wanted to give him hope, 'this is blue', she said, but box 21 had £3000. Noel was struggling to find words as Jason kept finding red. 'Help me out', he pleaded to James. Box 11 opened - £15,000 - silence, Jason was alone, he could rely on no-one to save him. The board now contained three reds against eight blues, but keeping him going was the £75,000. The offer now was £1999. Noel opinioned that this level of bad luck could not be sustained. Jason checked with his friend Paul who was in the audience, he rather unhelpfully suggested to the treat the board as numbers. Jason returned to Noel - his voice quieter now - 'No deal'.

Round four: Colin sounded drunk and I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about, he opened box 18, £250 - Jason was delighted, but the 1p was still out there. He looked to Joan, box 16 - £5000 - he turned away, only two reds left. Jason asked Becca for a song, she offered to give him one later and quickly clarified that she meant a song; Jason was having no luck. After the break Becca opened box 15 - £100. Jason was happy with the blue, but he was rattled, his face was like the moon, watered eyes, flushed cheeks. His offer now was £5000. He was looking at a board with only two reds - both of which were above the offer, but both could go in the next round. He asked for a sweep, eight of his fellow contestants said 'Deal', perhaps exposing more about their own inclinations than they should. Noel returned to Jason and asked the question and he responded as if punch-drunk - 'No deal'.

Round five: Richard opened box 22 - £500. Fran had box 12 - £1, two blues in a row, could this be the light at the end of a very long tunnel. No! Janey opened box 7 - £75,000 - and that was it. Jason's head was on the desk, the crowd groaning, Noel speechless. Jason lifted his head with a drawn-on half-smile. When the offer came it was £950, and even the half-smile had gone. The board had now four blues against a single red - he went for it, following his comments at the beginning of the game he had no option, 'no deal'.

Round six: box 9 from Buzz - £50 - Stevie was back on Reds, Buzz was back on blues. Just for a moment I wondered if Jason might scrape through in the same way Emma had done on Saturday. He went for box 2 from Jo - £10,000 - my question was answered. Jason couldn't look, he had realised what had happened from the crowd's response. Eventually he took his hands away from his eyes and folded them in front of him, he had just been told that he was to be hanged, all that was left was to decide on his last supper. Box 14, from Louise - £10. The 1p and £750 were still in play, but Jason just wanted to go home, or at the very least back to the hotel. The offer now was £300. Jason didn't want to be there anymore and he could not cope with winning 1p, he dealt. As Noel wrapped up the game, Jason sat in shock, exhaustion, a face that you might use at funerals. In his box he had £750. Simone opened box 4 for the 1p. Jason was stunned but managed to string some words together to thank everyone for the experience, he was sure he would take a great deal away from it (perhaps, but not in cash).

So there we are, its still Monday, the sky is still grey, Noel is still advertising for The Sun, and now we have just watched one of the worst games from DOND so far - pass the arsenic someone please.

Jason won £300.