Linda won £24,000

So I seem to have won the privilege of being today's game recorder. I would like to say this is based on my substantial literary talent, but sadly I must start by introducing myself as a complete novice who was persuaded to do this by a DOND freak.

I should start by registering my discontent with Carol Vordeman's dresser - does anyone out there agree with me that the woman is deranged for allowing herself to be dressed straight out of a charity shop?

Once again the question from the announcer Is the Banker gonna be beat? starts the show. Noel welcomes us to the dream factory and 'wonders' who will be on the dream shift today. Sleepy hollow here we come - Linda.

Tottering on heels and seating herself 'gingerly' she immediately telegraphs her need for a new kitchen. The Earwash??? community volunteer worker, straight away puts in a request for more workers for free. The family snaps are brought out for Noel and the viewers' delight and they are off. Her system has been binned due to her support network having left the show already.

Round One
James, No 1 opens up his box and the show with the £75K, a big "woops!" and a groan from the audience. Gary's box follows with £35K and despite 20 shows Linda has learned nothing according to Noel. Next is Sarah opening box 14 to reveal a cool £100k. Bad bad start says Noel who voices the chance that she might open another two biggies in this round. This is straight away discounted by David with a tenner in his box. Box 18 Sandy and £3k finishes off her first round, although Noel has to stop her from appearing 'dim' by choosing her 6th box before the phone rings.

Banker dribbles to 'yummy Mummy' of the group leaving everyone thinking 'dominatrix'?
But he forgot to dribble the offer which turned out to be £321 Mummy dominatrix was a bit gobsmacked and not tempted at all. No deal got a smattering of applause.

Round two
Onward to box no 10, Hilary and a fabulous 50 pence. Pat's turn and she whipped open the £5k before Noel could go to break. She had a bit of a telling off from him and gave as good as she got as I imagine she always does. Reminds me of my old French teacher a bit, I can't wait to see her show. After the break brings on Simon box 5 and a fiver in it. Cheers the mood a little. Linda and Noel have some discussion over mysteriousnes and kitchens - wasting time. The offer from the Banker this round is for 3 men and a lady in a phone box £6,700. Un-enthusiastic applause from the studio, no-one is convinced because the £250 is still available to win. Buoyed up by the applause Linda goes with a no deal.

Round Three
Linda's daughter met Emma on Saturday and she confirmed their friendship with £50 in box 15. Linda was tempted by Morris but went for Max no 7 and got another blue - £500. Gaz, box 2 then opened up £15k which generated a quiet a groan for his trouble. Time for the Banker to sway Linda a little perhaps? Offer is £9k She goes through the motions of considering but when Noel suggests she might be had cheap she makes up her mind - no deal to cheers from the croud.

Round Four
Richard, box 17 expresses his belief that he doesn't believe in positive thinking and gets rid of the £1k. All happy so far. Patrick, box 12 is confident, and proved justifiably so, with 750 quid. Linda is choosing randomly now and keeps asking the other contestants how they feel? before selecting them. Raj is next with box 3, he's not as quick as Pat as Noel goes to break.
Onto the timing element of the show - Linda sticks with her decision and Raj opens 250 notes. (is that a pony?). The banker responds to this board with an offer of enough money for her kitchen - guaranteed. Needless to say a jump of £900 over the last offer was not enough. No Deal - from a 'getting slightly nervous' Linda and I think the audience too.

Round Five
Linda asks Clare how she feels and she appears cool with her soft scouse accent she opens box 4 which contains the 1p! - huge cheers and relief all round to avoid the exclusive club. Suzy, box 19 welcome to her first show - no pressure....... £100. Another loud response from the studio - poor Linda is now under pressure. Dot is asked how she feels but will not commit, however her box 21 contains a beautiful blue tenpence!
Brilliant board now, one single blue quid and four big reds £10k, £20k, £50k and of course the £250,000. Lots of grovelling from the banker, brings out an apology and an offer of £24k for a good kitchen. A sweep of the audience and contestants reveals the vast majority advising no deal. One of the female contestants pointed out that Linda's own advice in this situation would be to deal. I can't understand it she has 3 figures higher than the offer on the board - no brainer. Confirmed no brainer - she dealt.

Round Six
Massismo opens box 9 and reveals £20k, followed swiftly by Morris opening the £250k which distracted me for a second and I got caught out by the £10k box holder and his box number watching the reaction to this, sorry folks [Dave W].
The final offer would have been £15k. No swap was suggested and Noel opens Linda's box 20 and reveals the £50k. Audience groans. Michael confirmed his box numbered 11 had the one remaining blue pound.

Linda was gracious at the end if a little dull, I would have expected a little more zizz regarding the new kitchen, maybe she would have preferred a dungeon??

So that's my duty done - I know it's not perfect and I did miss a couple of names and box numbers here and there. I was very tempted to remove the no-brainer accusation after the resulting round but actually I still think she could have been a bit braver. Easy from the armchair I know. But there is always the danger of being too good in situations like this and I think Iain should regain control just as soon as possible - tomorrow's show.

So it's goodnight from me.
Sue