Julia won £15,000

Ah its Monday...finally.Noel walks up the aisle as opposed to standing behind the desk. The telphone game was worth up to £20,000 today, I even thought about it.

'The secret of the game is not to find the big money until the last possible moment', said Noel massively over-simplfying what was on the face of it a very simple game. The Easter bunnie was Miss Basildon from Essex - Julia Morris - a photographer from Basildon. Julia was a twenty/thirty-something girl with a glint in her eye, Denise van Outen meets Lisa Tarbuck, but quieter. She took PR photos for her local newspaper, and was audibly a confirmed Essex girl. Gary her boyfriend was in the audience. Julia revealed that a tarrot card reader years previously had told her that 10 was her lucky number - Michael's box. Her motto was - 'who dares wins' - she found this particularly useful when driving. She loved playing poker, loved out-witting the opposition, had a great poker face. The boxes were yellow - something to do with Easter Monday. At the end of the game she would have to decide who was going to receive an easter hamper - I am not sure why they do this.

Round one: John, box 2, the Terminator title was buried - £10. Dave W 'smiler', Julia may have thought she was safe, afterall he had the big one on Saturday. But guess what? He had it again in box 19 - £250,000. 'Oh no I can't believe vat'. Julia laughing weakly, as if she had just spilt tea on the Queen's dress. Max, new girl, box 8 - £250. Gary, box 5, (trying to feel vibes) - £5. Julia closed her eyes, thinking hard. Massimo, box 3 - £750. The banker phoned, he found Julia to be a 'little Minx, in need of a good spanking'. Julia feigned shock, 'Oooo Gary?', looking round at her boyfriend, maybe for permission. The opening offer was £6000, very strong considering the £250k had gone. Julia asked James - 'Good offer but obviously loads of potential in the board'. That was enough for her - 'No Deal'.

Round two: Raj, box 22 - £35,000. 'Oweee', said Julia, Frankie Howard would have felt right at home. Claire opened box 16 - £5000. Pat M, box 12 was going to be next, after the break, but Julia changed her mind. Noel ordered the big three for the end of the game, he wrote it down, more cosmic ordering? Julia went for James, box 6 - £500.The audience were very quiet, 'subdued' said Noel - surprising considering that the board had six blues, against eight reds. The banker suggested that Julia was more of a bluffer than a great poker player, Julia contented that there was no difference. I was in the banker's corner on this. The offer was £7800. 'No deal'.

Round three: Julia was rocking in her chair, eyes almost shut as she considered the board, her face showing no signs of stress and neither did her voice - she was comfortable. 'Emma what have you been having in your box recently?' Everyone picked up on the double entendre - stop no, oooo, here, missus. I am sure I could hear Sid James chuckling. 'Lots of small ones', Emma enhancing and destroying her reputation in one move. Julia moved away from Emma, she was just 'aving a laurf'. She settled on Sarah with box 4 - £75,000. Noel ripped up his order apologising to Julia, the studio groaned. Patrick next, box 13 - 'I am hoping that this is the 1p box'. So much for Patrick, it was £100,000, only the £50,000 of the power five was still in play. 'The round from hell', said, Noel the audience still groaning, and Julia's head now tilted on to her right shoulder. 'Don't say vat' said Julia. Linda, box 18 - £1. Julia was smiling but her eyes were now glistening, begging the banker 'to be nice', poker face a distant memory. Noel replaced the phone receiver, Julia looked to him like a rabbit in the headlights, 'he's been orrible ain't he?' The offer was £2000, Noel hadn't finished asking the question before she said ' No deal', a slight air of desperation creeping in.

Round four: Emma, box 9 - 50p, a proper smile coming back, head back on shoulders. Richard next with box 1 - £100. A long think followed and then she went for Dave E with box 7. After the break he opened £1000. The banker referred to Fadil, suggesting that she was having a similar order of numbers - he offered £5800, strongly advising her to take it - well he would say that wouldn't he?. Julia wasn't happy about the offer - Gary her boyfriend said 'you're here to play the game, 's what you gotta do'. Julia was suitably bolstered - 'No Deal'.

Round five: Sandy opened box 14 -1p, Julia squealed. 'The 1p club are still denied female company' said Noel - personally I think that's a bit harsh. Dot box 17 - 10p, thingis were improving dramtically, Julia was facing five reds against one blue. She didn't spend any time, she just went for Hilary, box 21. The lid opened and there it was, the last blue -£50 - the studio erupted. Now Julia had a choice of five boxes, from £3000 to £50,000. 'You have to change your tack', said Noel on the offensive. The banker offered the middle value, £15,000. Julia made her mind up very quickly, Noel offered the sweep, which Julia accepted, and then he took it away again saying 'what's the point if you've made your mind up?' Julia agreed, apologising to the contestants - No Deal'. 'Brave girl' said Pat, with a hint that one might replace 'brave' with foolish, and girl with something more....Essex.

Round six: Gaz, box 11- £10,000, 'fine', said Noel. Julia couldn't look. gain she went for Pat her back turned against the board, and agin she changed her mind. She settled on Morris, box 15 - the rest of the contestants holding hands. "Lets beat the banker Julie Julie, Have three grand in me box, truly, truly", I could the Eurovison Song Contest beckoning. However the pain was worth it, Morris delivered the lowest amount left on the board - £3000. Julia for the third time went for Pat with box 12 - this time she did not change her mind. Of course it was always going to be £50,000. Why did she decided on Pat at that point? The banker suggested Julia outplayed him? I think that was a bit strong although she was going to take home more than any previous offer. Clearly he was after something, he offered £17500. 'At the flip of a coin you could win £2500 or lose £2500' said Noel summarising the offer against the board. Julia asked for Gary to join her - 'you gotta go for it dalin'. Julia said 'No Deal'.

The banker talked to Julia. What ever he said her reply was 'That was a bit saucy'. 'This is like an episode from Carry on dealing' said Noel. The banker also offered the swap. Remembering her tarrot card reader she decided to swap boxes, and she acually did the walk - lovely wiggle. Returning to her seat Julia said 'Got to be the 20 large init', but it wasn't - she had won £15,000. 'I am not going back to that tarrot card gezzer again, I want me money back'. James was given the Easter hamper, he had kept her laughing and drunk.

This was all good fun - but the £250,000 went with the second box, and changed the entire complexion of the game, there was little tension from beginning to end.