John won £18,000

The C4 annoucer declared rather ominously that it was 'the return of the banker', as he introduced Tuesday's edition of DOND. Today John (he of the DOND FM internet radio station), was the chosen one, clutching box 19 as he made his way to the desk. He had a great face for radio - Yoda's larger cousin - but a very popular contestant who from the start seemed very comfortable handling the crowd. John needed the money, he had a same day courier business, but his van 'blew up' so he needed a new one. Noel handed over the reins and John turned to address the audience, he announced that he was going to 'play the game', so every 'no deal' had to be accompanied by a Mexican wave. He made them practice, and the contestants took up the tail end. John hoped The Terminator was back, i.e. he had the big one in his box.

Round one: Dot box 1 - £1.The crowd, having just been warmed up, roared - Noel suggested they pace themselves. Irish Pat looked a little worse for wear, hard party animals the Irish - 'i'm very fragile, leave me alone', she said to Noel. She opened box 2 - £100,000 - John was stung. Dave W next with box 3 - £5000. Gary followed with box 4 - £3000. Simon, the new guy, opened box 5 to complete the round - £250. John was disappointed by losing the £100,000, but felt that otherwise it was strong. He was being ballsy, telegraphing his choice of boxes he stated that he was going all the way. The offer was £2800, and the Mexican wave followed immediately, albeit not very well executed. The force was with Joda.

Round two: Hilary, box 6 - £100 and John pushed the crowd to even greater heights (in crowd control a master he is). Michael opened box 7, and the crowd groaned - £250,000. Then John avoided box 8, so had he moved away from his system? No, he was determined that this was part of the plan. He went to Richard with box 9. After the break Noel summed the game, John had lost influence with the banker by hitting the big numbers. Richard finished the round by revealing 10p. The board had seven blues against seven reds, and John did not expect a useful offer from the banker. As a result John was pleasantly surprised- the offer was £6790 - but he was clearly going for 'no deal', and Mexican wave number three cruised through the studio.

Round three: Gaz opened box 10 - £35,000.Only two of the power five left. John sighed, Claire, box 13, £1000. Linda next, 'he calls me mother' she said with a hint oif disbelief - she opened 1p and the audience cheered. The offer was £4900, the banker had gone low claiming that John had not given the previous offer proper thought - a fair comment. Another Mexican Wave, the audience concentrating so hard on getting the movement that they found it hard to cheer.


Round four: Sarah, box 15 - £750.The audience not cheering enough for John, he turned to them and raised his arms - the roof nearly came off. Patrick box 16 - £50, and the noise was getting louder. He nearly went for Dave E, but then realised that Emma had box 17. Now its not really that difficult to decide on box 17 after 16, but something is clearly wrong when you go for Dave over Emma - she's gorgeous. Anyway, he got there eventually. After the break she opened £20,000. Strangely Noel ate a banana while John summed up the game, no explanation, he just ate a banana, maybe it was for a bet. John was happy enough, two of the power five were stil in play. The banker offered £11,500 with the statement 'if you take it I'lll have won'. John did seem to think about the offer, but the Mexican wave beckoned.

Round five: Dave 18 - £15,000, 'its ok, at this point', said Noel. Sandy box 20 - 50p, and the audience cheered, James opened box 21 - £5, and the crowd roared again. The board showed two blues against three reds, as Noel said 'I don't know how we've got to this, but the board is strong'. John had his best poker face, was he serious about going all the way, or was he bluffing? The banker needed to know. The offer was £18,000. John asked for a sweep, eight 'no deals', John said 'I am tempted'. Surely these were not the words of someone who was going all the way? Noel asked the question and John said 'Deal'. John's cheeks were flushed, I think he may have felt embarrassed having made the u-turn, but the offer only had two amounts higher, and would you really bet £18,000 on the chance of getting £75,000?

John's strategy was now explained - he had removed all the boxes except his five lucky numbers: 8, 11, 12, 19 and 22.

Round six: Raj, box 8 - £10. Morris opened box 11 - £250. Massimo box 12 - £50,000. The offer was £40,000.'Never go to the poker table if you are out of your depth', the banker angrily advised. Worse was to come. Noel opened his box and the £75,000 was in it. John had won £18,000, and he was seriously gutted, he should have listened to the force.

John shouldn't be too unhappy, in my opinion he played a good game: it was entertaining and he had a strategy which he maintained. He had bluffed the banker, let him think that nothing would stop him, and then kept himself in check enough to 'deal' at what was his optimum point. Of course opinions are divided on this point, my daughter Olivia didn't like it at all - she felt that having declared he was going to the end, thats what he should have done - ah the young. Well done John.