Dave E won 1p

Outside its a grey Tuesday in April, but in front of the telly right now its another world, full of hopefuls, one of whom is about to take a journey to the exit door - the only real question is how much will he or she take home. Noel explains that this is the 150th episode in the UK, and there have been 6 times when the £250,000 could have been won i.e. the big one was in the player's box. (What about when it was in the last contestant;s box, across from the player, such as in Kirsty's game?)

Today it was Dave E's turn to attempt the North face of the Eiger. Dave Ellis, a self-confessed gambler from Luton, a man of few words, who sat with box 20, He was keen to go, his only photo was of his 18 month old grand-daughter, and his brother Jez was in the audience. Apparently he had already discussed which boxes would be opened at the later stages of the game, telegraphing his intention to go all the way. He looked like a forty-something version of Eli Wallach - you know, the bad guy from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Round one: Simon was going to be first, he said 'I have a lot of faith in Dave', (what's faith got to do with it?) He opened box 8 - £1000. Susie next with box 2 - £750. Then he went for Sandy's box 9, no warning it just came up - £250,000 - the audience groaned, sounding like the bull from Jim Bowen's Bullseye. Pat, box 3 - £35,000, she was worried about her neighbour Raj, who wasn't well. Raj in a pink jersey claimed to have 'man flu' - hmm, 'girly flu' possibly. Finally for the round, Patrick opened the lid on £50. Noel remarked that the banker had given away £2.5 million over the past 149 shows. The offer was £2150, which Dave thought, for want of a better word, was reasonable - 'No deal'.

Round two: Patricia, the new girl, even smaller than Noel, opened box 1 - 50p. Dot, also claiming to have Raj's flu, opened box 10 - £100. Dave decided to go for 'smiler' on the basis that he had more than his fair share of the big ones, but we would have to wait until after the break for the result of his logic. [A shortened version of the Honda advert was shown during the break - whoever is responsible for that should get an award, its quite brilliant.] Dave W opened his box - £20,000. Noel tried for the umteenth time to engage in conversation with Dave E, but it was difficult - his words were clipped, there were no grand gestures, no gestures at all in fact. The offer was £5150, and while Dave played at asking contestants questions, his mind was clearly made up - 'No deal'. Actually if you read through this blog, particularly DOND and the Art of War, then you will know that I recommend this approach - give nothing away.

Round three: Raj, box 19 - £250, Noel commenting on how pink suits him, but Raj brushed him away. Tan next with box 7 - £10. The audience finally beginning to warm up. Dave asked Gaz and Francesca aboout their previous games, and then he settled on Francesca, she opened box 15 - £15,000. Simon and Sarah both felt the board was strong - but in any case Dave E did not look worried (or happy, or mildly amused...). The offer from the banker was £10,150. Now that seemed to make a difference, something in Dave's well-worn face changed - he asked Sarah, Dave W and Massimo, all of whom said go on. - Dave's lips were getting tighter, the veins in his neck were being stretched, Noel asked the question. Maybe there was a glimmer that Dave might have dealt if he had found enough backing from his peers, but in the end he said 'No deal'. Noel gave up trying to create banter with Dave, it was falling on barren ground, so he turned to brother Jez. Unfortunately the problem ran in the family, Jez seemed to have fewer words than Dave.

Round four: Gaz, box 11 - £3000. What do you think of that Jez?' asked Noel, scrambling for someone to say something tangible. 'That was OK', said Jez, the audience laughed. Dave selected Lofty, box 12 - £100,000. 'Thats OK', said Jez, Noel did a double take, but Jez was insistent, the £50,000 and £75,000 were still in play. Morris without any poetry (I could just imagine a conversation between Morris and Dave in the bar along the lines of 'you say one peotic word in my game and I'll....'), opened box 17 - £75,000. 'That's not OK', said Jez. We were now down to a single box game. Noel called for a break. On the return, Noel commented on how cold the game was, Dave was playing it very coldly, very dry. Richard suggested that we were not seeing the real Dave, Francesca thought he might be able to turn it around. Noel asked the contestants what they thought the offer might be - smiler thought it might be £1150 if the banker was being really mean - and that was what it was. 'No deal', said Dave.

Round five: Dave was staring at a board containing £50,000, £10,000, £5000 and oblivion. He went for the gorgeous Sarah and box 14 - £500. Emma D, also gorgeous, was next with box 15 - £50,000. It was really all over now, but still no emotion. Massimo, not at all gorgeous, opened box 21 - £5000. The board had four blues and the £10k, what was he going to do. Apart from chewing his lip, Dave was giving nothing away. The banker's offer was £1000 - contestants seemed to think it was generous. Dave was calm, steely calm - 'I'm ready for the question', he could have been asking the time, he said - 'No deal'.

Round six: Max, with box 5 was next - £1. A good start but a cliff face to climb. Emma B had box 18. She was sure she had the penny, but it sounded desperate, and it was. She lifted the lid on £10,000. Dave's voice finally quivered, there was nothing left to play for. He went for Richard, box 16 - 10p. All that was left was to choose between 1p and £5. The offer was £1.50. 'No deal'.

Dave was smiling nervously - any ambitions had evaporated, his memories of the show were all he was left with. He declined the swap. Was he going to join the 1p club? The answer was yes. Noel opened the box and the blue 1p was laid out in front of Dave like a corpse in the morgue.

Dave acted the part during the game, he held a poker face throughout and this was why the offer of £10,150 at the end of round three was as high as it was - he had the banker guessing. But as Kenny Rodgers says/sings, 'You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em....'. I think Dave nearly walked at the end of round three, that was why he asked so many of his peers, but he just couldn't do it. So now the 1p club has a membership of four, and the £250,000 is still waiting for its first member. As for Morris' poetry, how about: 'Dave E won 1p'