Janelle's Game Report

And far away in some recess
The Lord and the Devil are now playing chess,
The Devil still cheats and wins more souls,
And as for the Lord, well, he's just doing his best...
(Spanish Train, Chris De Burgh)


Ok - its Saturday, and I am back in the saddle waiting for Hi Ho Silver himself to smile into action - and like all the good guys he is dressed in white, at least off white, well cream really, but underneath the jacket is the mandatory kaleidescopic shirt - this time dalmation meets smarties.

Tonight its Janelle - a Nubian princess - she walked to the front with box 15. Janelle was a mental health issues support worker for a local project in Croyoen. A 'demanding environment' suggested Noel. 'Yes' she said and I realised I was going to struggle with her accent. It was about money for Janelle, she wanted to set up an organisation for young kids in her area, and then immediately burst into tears - the audience not far behind all wanted Janelle to become the new Florence Nightingale.

Round one: Janelle had a couple of pieces of paper with some highlighted numbers drawn on them in a form similar to the board - it was her system, and she was keeping it secret. Linda, box 3 - £100,000, 'oh my word no', said Noel. Chris, box 17 - £15,000. 'Got to break the reds' said Noel to the red-shirted Janelle. Debbie, box 20 - £750. Lance, box 21 - £1000. 'This is serious out there' said Janelle, but not adding 'yo gansta'. Sue, box 11 - £10. The banker was complaining that Janelle was giving nothing away - she probably was but he couldn't understand the accent either. The offer was £5000. 'I'm ready to crack on' said Janelle, 'No deal'.

Round two: Janelle was looking irritated, 'box 16 Mark, NO SORRY', this was shouted out as one might bark 'fire' in a firing squad. Eventually Sally, box 8 - £50,000. 'Ooooo' said Noel. Alan, box 22 - 1p - and for the first time since the start, the audience whooped. Janelle just didn't look happy, in fact she seemed angry, 'Does this frighten you?' asked Noel, concerned for Janelle's nerves,. He didn't say 'I know where you live and I am going to strangle your teddy bear', but from the way Janelle rounded on him you might have thought he had - 'I'm not frightened', she said, building the wall higher. Linda, box 19 - £10,000. 'What do you think?' asked Noel. 'I am a bit cheesed that its gone, I won't lie', said Janelle in the same way as the Queen of Hearts said 'off with his head'. The banker described his offers as being like Janelle - the first offer was warm and soft, and this was icy cold - £2500. She wasn't going to tell what her system was because she was unhappy with the banker's offer.

Round three: Nagiyah, box 12 - £5. Noel walked around, hands in pockets, bearded just like an old white plantation owner - was this upsetting Janelle? Janelle took an age to make up her mind sabou the next box, so the banker phoned to say he was popping out but he would be available on the mobile. Then she went for Roy, box 7 - and then 'No', Noel made greta fun of this, admonishing her for not thinking before she spoke. Gorgio, box 6 eventually - 10p. Vic, box 14 - £1. An excellent round for the ice maiden, so called because she moved like a glacier. Janelle suggested that the tea was actually champagne, I don't blame Endemol, anything to get her to smile. The offer this time was £12,000. The board contained sx reds against five blues, with the £250k and £75k still in play. Maybe Janelle was angry about being rushed? Connell said the board is not bad, but she knew her own mind - she certainly didn't. But she said No deal anyway.

Round four: Mark, box 16 - £75,000 - so she was right about changing her mind earlier. John, box 10 - £50. After the break Sharon, Box 9 - £20,000. Four reds against four blues, but she still had the £250k in play. The offer now was £8500, punishing her for the loss of £75k. Janelle looked as angry as ever - 'No deal'.

Round five: Noel was treating her with kid gloves, walking round her with his body angled away - he didn't want to be there. Monica, box 18 - £250,000. In her head Janelle was writing out a contract on Monica, or maybe Noel. Pierre, box 1 - £3000. Connel, box ? - £500. The banker's offer was £3300, he hoped she would take it because he was an old man, and he wanted to see the end of the game. But she said No deal'.

Round six: Paul, box 4 - £35,000. Only £5000 left. Janelle licking her wounds like an injured bear. Nick, Box 2 £100. Buddy, box 13 - £250. The offer was £1300. No deal said Janelle, shaking her head at her losses. The banker offered the swap and she took it. Box 7 replaced box 15, and then Noel opened it, she had done it - £5000. The 50p was in Roy's box 15 - and Janelle smiled.

Beautiful but deadly, some of my friends might describe Janelle as high maintenance, but maybe when you work in a charity project in Croyden, you become battle-scarred. Janelle was like an alein, as if she had just left Hell on a week long break - the people around her laughed and joked because they came from happy places, but she belonged to a war zone. She played with plenty of guts, but it was not a happy game, it was dificult to watch....and it made me feel guilty.

Janelle won £5000