Wayne's Game Report

By Olivia, my favourite youngest daughter

Noel appears on the screen. I must say his shirt isn’t too bad today .He’s managed to stay away from the dodgy patterns. Welcome to the dream factory he says as we wait to find out whose game it is today. A few jokes about cleaning the chair after the games being between a box and a hard place gets the mood going and then were off.

Its Wayne the brain's turn to take the walk of wealth today, he strides to his throne with a big grin on his face and, for some unknown reason, two red boxes.

We are told that the second box is a little gift for an important person in Wayne’s game. A lovely thought says Noel quite honestly.

In front of us sits Wayne Laken from Blackpool. With box number 4. Noel reads from his card that the bankers opinion on Wayne is that he’s a ‘fountain of opinion’, giving strong advice and maybe not too cleverly making himself stand out to the banker, which isn’t always a great idea.

Wayne’s lucky number is nine and we can be sure that the banker will use this in his own little game.

‘I’m just full of life’ he says a little unconvincingly and so he’s sent to take a walk for a bit of energy while Noel comments on his posture as any mother would. But Noel is not a mother so that doesn’t make sense!!

After a few dodgy jokes about Wayne’s building career the opening round is started with Mark and box number 3 with the 50p. Of course an immediate lift and for the viewers the game is off.

Second is Ash with box number 11 and a not so pleasing £15,000. The positive mood in the studio is slightly weakened but Wayne moves on quickly. Third is Linda, box 1 and £50,000 is blown out of the game. The audience do the expected sharp intake of breath but Wayne, who is now living up to his ‘full of life’ comment just laughs it off and moves on. For some reason he feels he has to take box 17 with Ryan which produces the £5,000 and to end the round, Melanie and box 14 gives us the £1,000

Wayne says with rationality that he feels it wasn’t a great round but there’s a lot of blues to play with, and he’s right. However Noel feels that the Banker will do something quite horrible and he will do throughout the game. He answers the phone. ‘Good afternoon it’s Wayne’s Wednesday’, after that I expected Noel to take the bankers order.

‘The day has come.’ Says Noel as he imitates the banker’s voice and steals Wayne’s seat while Wayne giggles in the background. ‘He’s grinning when he’s winning’. Playing Wayne’s lucky number the offer is £9.99. This just shows the viewers that this is going to be a very interesting game and so after some hissing and booing, and some mock hard thinking Wayne replies with No Deal – of course.

Round two starts off with some more antics from Noel, who I’m beginning to think maybe a bit of a drama queen but no one else could do his job so I won’t complain. Shirley opens Box 21 and reveals the £500 followed by Sue and box 12 with the £100 greeted by cheers from the audience. Wayne is spot on. Monica and box 18 are chosen next. Noel is wary that Monica is wearing red and so we are told to come back after the break to see if it bears any relevance.

The break comes on and Paul from the west wing tells us in a slightly ‘I’m reading this from a piece of paper’ voice that we could win the contents of the blue boxes if we bothered to phone in. After the break we see that Monica’s red top is not relevance and the 1p is taken from the game definitely enhancing the mood in the studio.

‘How can we get him up from £9.99.’ asks Noel reminding us of the shocking offer from the banker. He has increased all the way to £999 more hissing and air sucking but then we were told that Noel has finished his sentence yet and we should add 19 thousand to the offer. A whopping second offer. Noel comments that nobody has ever walked at this point, and at £19,999, Wayne doesn’t either and says no deal and with conviction.

After that offer the pressure is on. Round three and Linda begins with box 19 and the £3,000. Not a blue but it’s alright comments Noel. Janelle with box 16 tragically reveals the £250,000 with the studio in complete shock but Wayne just moves on and more cheers are heard as we for once forget about the quarter mil and see the £750.

Noel asks Amy, subjecting her to attention from the banker. Trying not to make herself too obvious she states that he will come down but not back down to £9.99.
Noels feelings are that this game has a strange feel to it and after thinking about it I feel the same way. Taking Mega-Nasty as a compliment the bankers offer was £9,999. Not a bad offer but along way from £19,999.


No deal says Wayne and looks eager to move on.

Buddy starts the next round with box 22 and the £1. Sally next with box 15 and, Oh dear, the £75,000. It’s happened again says Noel and once again Wayne moves on fast.
After the break we get some antics from Vic this time rather than Noel,(makes a nice change), the £100,000 is taken out the game. Damn that Vic he’s such a trouble maker!

It was, as Noel nicely put it, a destructive round! Sue feels she can’t speak, although to be perfectly honest it doesn’t look like that happens to her much.

The banker is commissioning a portrait of himself standing on Wayne while hes lying on the floor with a Bankers victory flag in his hand. Maybe not a great work of art but some people are just different. The offer is £1,999. No deal and straight away


Not a great board for the start of the next round but Paul opens box 16 and after thinking blue, reveals a blue. The £10 is taken off the board. ‘We’re not going to see red at all’ says Noel. Next up is Penny with box number 7 and the £35,000, not easily ignored and followed by the £20,000, the highest number left on the board.
Noel lied! A very bitter end to the 4th round.

Poor Wayne he has a weak smile but he cant hide the look of devastation hiding behind it. According to the banker ‘contrary to the impression he gave he was dreading this game as he was sure Wayne would take a lot of money from him’
But with the offer £999 this was an all or peanuts game. Wayne asks sue but she’s useless and after a nail biting wait, a surprise for everyone, ‘full of life’ Wayne the brain, deals. Wayne says Deal after a nerve wrecking wait. A crushed man.

Noel states that there’s an ‘aroma of defeat in the air.’

Now it’s just picking the last big number, £10,000 and Amy and box 20 does that for Wayne. Now its just left to the boring bit where we pick off the last of the blues to end the game. Pierre and Box 13 have the 50p. The bankers offer would have been £99 carrying on the 9 theme he also admits that he might hold off the portrait as even though it was an emotionally crushing game for Wayne he has still beaten the banker. Wayne would have gone all the way. He then decides to expose what was in his little red box: a dummy for the banker, the sucker!! Noel after worrying about what exactly he was pulling out of the box uncovers £250 in Wayne’s box.

A devastating game for Wayne but he’s enjoyed himself.
Nice for him since we are all emotional wrecks at the moment!

Wayne won £999