Pennie's Game Report

Hanging on the wire,
I’m waiting for the change
I'm dancing through the fire,
Just to catch a flame
And feel real again.
(Paul Weller, You do something to me)

Noel recommended courage, this was what it took to move from good to great. After the standard waffle Noel is forced to deliver as part of his contract we moved closer to playing the game, 'Lets find a vic...a client for the banker', he said pretending to correct himself. Today it was Pennie, the weeping Su Pollard of the East Wing. Pennie was wearing ragged jeans as she hopped and skipped the walk of wealth with box 14. Noel accused her of dressing from the dump, so she ran round him, burrowed in his back pocket and pulled out a yellow card. Pennie was scared of hieghts, drowning, death and the number 13, 'God i sound a bit mad don't I'. The mad person was Pennelope Bashman from Wakesfield, with three children, no mention of hubby, and her sister Cherie was in the audience...well Hello Cherie. Her photo was of her baby twins, cherubs in classic Ruebens style. Her other daughter Zoe drew a picture of her on DOND when she first found out she had got a place - she had spookily drawn the box 14. Pennie was very excited, a mother of three young children, and maybe back home she was doing it all, so this was her big moment and she was going to grab it with both fists.

Round one: Sally, box 11 - £100,000, the seond highest amount had gone with the very first box. Ashok, box 4 - £500 - Pennie had morphed into a Maori warrior, a completely over the top reaction to a mediocre second box. Mick was next with box 5 - £1 - Pennie's excitement was growing if that was possible. Linda E, box 15 - £250,000 - 'that shut her up', I nearly wrote, but her mouth was wide open for the longest time, and I mean wide, she was the envy of basking sharks the world over....but she didn't cry, not a tear, not a drop. 'Sue, box 20', Pennie's voice broken, betraying the emotion underneath - £50. 'I cannot believe that, thats not funny, thats not nice', was Yorkshire Pennie's summary of the game so far - but at least she wasn't crying. The banker's offer was £1313, her most feared number, twice - 'no deal'.

Round two: Mel, box 16 - £5000. Pennie blowing kisses, Mel nodding like a rock star accepting plaudits. Ryan next with box 7 - £3000. Then Pennie introduced the break, and this was straight into DOND from the good old days: Pennie was in my living room, begging me to come back after the break while she had a cup of tea and a chat about the game, the same way Michael Cane Alfie talked to the camera. After the break Monica opened box 10 - 10p - the tea must have had something in it, we had now moved from excited to frenzied, Pennie was jumping and screaming like a banshee. The offer had reached £7013. Pennie explained that Daughter zoe, was born on the 13th, at 13 minutes past 13.00. 'And she weighed 13 pounds', joked Noel. Pennie laughed, 'no my twins were big babies though, 7lbs and 6lbs'. Noel pointed out to her, apparently for the first time, that her twins had weighed a combined 13 pounds.

Round three: She went for a quickie. Connel, box 2 - 50p, Buddy, box 1 - £100. By this point Penny was hysterical and then she went for box 8 - £35,000 (missed who it was). The offer now was £11012. Pennie crunched up in her chair to view the board, then sat back - 'No deal'. In looking round to the audience, she turned into Lee - 'come on'. It was difficult to get into this game because of the noise, the screaming was all too over the top, and it was spoiling what at its core was turnig into a very strong board considering hw badly Pennie had started.

Round four: Alan, box 3 - £10. She rushed across to hug him. Chris, box 9 - £5 - pennie running on the spot alloose parts boucing everywhere. 'Come on Kate, come on' said Pennie, pushing herself on - I have no idea who Kate was, perhaps Pennie can come on here and tell us. Noel welcomed us back after the break, declaring that the board was strong and wouldn't it be amazing if the next blue was 1p. Pierre was selected to open box 12 - he opened the lid on 1p - suspiciously convenient, I suspect an attempt by Endemol to change Noel's image as the harbinger of doom everytime he talks up a position. Pennie rushed across to Pierre hugged him, and then the tears started. But they were soon gone - the board was too strong for tears, six reds against two blues. She went round the contestants, they all said 'no deal', her 'gorgeous sister was a chicken and would 'deal', Pennie had all the ba......nerve in that family - No deal' she shouted with all the fervour of a rabied kamikaze.

Round five: Roy, Box 21 - £1000. Concentrate advised Noel, as if concentrating would make any difference in a completely random game of choice. Janelle opened Box 6 - £750 - Pennie was now beyond acting, she had evolved into her own charicature, completely uncontrolled and from Noel's view uncontrollable - 'don't start the tears yet', said Noel, way too late. Box 19, Linda B - £15,000. Pennie screaed, the crowd roared, Cherie sat flushed and very attractive, with shoulder length blonde hair, and a fresh open face that you could imagine smiling up, dishevelled from half way up a hay barn....sorry back to the game. The board was now left with one blue and four reds including £75k and £50k. Cherie's view was 'oooo I can't believe it, blooming heck' just like the Boddingtons beer advert. The offer was now £25,000, and for the second time tonight we looked down a very long dark tunnel, Pennie's reaction was to sit motion less catching fies with her cvernous mouth. People around the room were petrified of what she was going to do, she held the photo of her twins, turned to Noel - No deal.

Round six: Someone had flicked Pennie's nuclear switch, she just kept reaching new heights of over-the-top-ness. Vic, box 18 - £75,000. 'No, but we still have the 50', said Noel immediately, hoping to fill the void that was no more Pennie. Mark, box 17 - £20,000. 'We are still alive', re-assured Noel, but Pennie was panicking, 'ooo two bad numbers...'. She steadied, Amy box 13 - £250. Suddenly Pennie had done it, it took moments to sink in, Pennie was going home with at least £10,000. She ran across to Amy and hugged her. The banker phoned - 'wow', he said, it was exhausting. The offer was now £30,000, immediately a man from the audience shouted 'take it'. Pennie, calmed a little, sat in her chair, her eyes through Hank Marvins glasses, looked straight ahead, 'This is my lucky day and I don't do things by halves, ask me the question'. The gorgeous Cherie was now beyond fear, beyond death itself, no matter what her sister did now, it wouldn't matter. Pennie gave all the signals that she was going on, but then she turned to Noel with the biggest smile, because she had the biggest mouth -'Deal'.

Noel lifted the lid, Pennie had £10,000, she had dealt at exactly the right time. Debbie had the £50,000 in box 22.

This was a game of two levels, at one it was a great game, where Pennie showed bags of courage, and at another it was like watching 1970s Professional Wrestling with Ken Walton - way, way over the top.

Pennie won £30,000