Welcome to donduk. A refuge for those who enjoy Deal or No Deal, the hit Channel 4 gameshow hosted by Noel Edmonds. The award winning gameshow Deal or No Deal has become a big hit for Channel 4 and marks a sensational return to our screens of Noel Edmonds.

Deal or No Deal is enjoyed my millions of viewers daily, where the contestants battle with The Banker to try and win a jackpot of £250,000. Here at donduk you will find full daily reports of each show, as well Deal or No Deal news and specials. Deal or No Deal although initially appearing very simple in format of just opening a few boxes for the chance to win some big money prizes, actually has some potentially complex decisions to be made at points throughout the show, the contestants occasionally try complex or simple gameplay in an attempt to give them an edge in beating the Banker.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Vic's game report

Thursday again, old bean, and up steps Old Vic (obviously I couldn't resist that), the dear chap. He trips down to greet Noel, carrying box 6. With his suave moustache, it is easy to imagine a Young Vic in the military or perhaps as a junior airforceman. He retains a full head of white hair.

Vic Hammond is 83 and lives - perhaps inevitably - in Eastbourne, the Sussex resort where time has stood still for decades (but only because its arthritis makes movement difficult). He has three women in his life:
  • daughter Lynne, who has skilfully avoided her dad's TV appearance by becoming a missionary in Nigeria;
  • Pauline, his partner of 11 years;
  • Sophie, the 12 year-old dog. This is not an insult: she is actually a canine.

Inevitably, Vic shows us pictures of his XX-chromosomed triumvirate. He clearly possesses an eye for the ladies and has the distinguished yet faintly disreputable air of Leslie Phillips about him. Astonishingly, at 83, Vic still works! He is a salesman for what are mysteriously described as "health products". If this is shorthand for a little blue pill which someone keeps e-mailing me about, I shouldn't be remotely surprised: Vic is remarkably sprightly for a man nearly as old as my grandparents.

Nobody watching can fail to notice that Vic is wearing white shoes with his dark trousers and blue shirt. Surely white shoes are synonymous with Essex, not Sussex? This is clearly a man who likes to stand out in a crowd, albeit one who is not afraid to shop from mail-order catalogues offering the Alan Partridge sports casual look. We envisage him with a peaked cap spending a morning on the golf course before chatting up the young filly behind the bar in the clubhouse.

Vic demonstrates his sales technique, urging the audience to join in with his odd mantra whilst waving their arms maniacally: "I'm alive, I'm well, I feel great. I'm alive, I'm well, I feel great." A self-conscious audience humours this bizarre old man by joining in half-heartedly. He then commands everyone at home to do likewise. Sorry Vic, I confess that I changed the words: "I am barely alive, I haven't slept in weeks thanks to this damned hayfever, it's gone onto my chest, the taste in my mouth suggests I've been licking the floor of a taxi, I don't feel too good right now, but thanks for asking. I suppose things could be worse: I could have something nasty, not just a little infection, and it's clearing up quite nicely with these antibiotics and a bit of Benylin. Anyway, let's just get on with the game, you weirdo."

Not a bit of it: Vic waves a chain above the numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4 on a bit of paper. This is not mysticism, this is nonsense from a Christmas cracker. Please choose a box now, Vic.

Vic still refuses to start his game and instead teaches the audience another chant: "Vic to pick all the blues and low-money reds to begin with." What ho, chaps, I do believe he's got it! The Leslie Phillips look returns as he catches the eye of some right saucy bit of brisket in the audience. As Mr Phillips appeared in four of the films, it is hard not to cry "Carry On Vic!"

Camping

Finally, we start as some members of the audience start to doze.

  • Vic chooses Mark and box 4: £500.
  • Lindsay is next with box 8. Vic has clearly taken a shine to this attractive young woman and she revels in his geriatric attentions for a moment before revealing £1,000.
  • Proving his lack of superstition (he walks under ladders too), Vic opts for Sandra and box 13: £5.
  • Lance sounds increasingly like a camp John Le Mesurier, whose credits do not extend to Carry On. Box 14 contains £100.
  • Vic thinks for a very long time and then chooses Nick and box 9. After his long deliberation, amazingly the £250,000 is uncovered.

The banker is understandably thrilled by the final box and gushes down Noel's ear: "I'm alive, I'm well, I feel great!" He offers Vic £1,234, as presaged by his peculiar chain manoeuvre. Vic is unimpressed: "No deal."

Matron

  • Inevitably, buxom Lynda has to be likened to Hattie Jacques as her matronly figure opens box 7 to reveal £750.
  • Chris (Joan Sims) has a migraine so Roy steps in to open box 18: £10,000.
  • Vic picks Ottis and box 3. After the break, however, he has forgotten his choice and opts for Roy's own box 19 instead: it contains 50p. In the right light, Roy could be taken to be Charles Hawtrey.

A good round is rewarded with an increased offer. Vic suggests it might be £4,321 but in fact, it is £9,000. This is respectable and, indeed, respected. Vic has clearly come to play the game: "No deal."

Abroad

Noel inexplicably offers Vic a lucky tea-bag to sniff. Vic does so, several times.

  • John opens box 16 and reveals 10p.
  • More winking from Vic greets Sally: "God, she's lovely!" Sally shows she is unimpressed by this as she opens box 22 to show the £75,000. "That'll teach you to treat women - sorry, wimmin - as objects for your personal gratification," was the phrase I was taught by a very feminist girl I dated at uni. Sadie put me off women for life, but I never thanked her for it. Well, Sadie, if you're reading... here are your thanks.
  • Vic and Giorgio exchange some words in Italian. Giorgio is wearing a hat, perhaps a trilby, although we are given no explanation. Box 11 contains £20,000.

The conversation returns to English and the banker rings with a repeated offer of £9,000. The consensus is that Vic ought to play on. Above the hubbub, Lance authoritatively says that he would do so. Vic agrees: "No deal."

Dick

  • Naqiyah opens box 15 and shows the £1.
  • Sue is next: box 17 represents Vic's birthday. It is also the number he has left before hitting 100. Even so far into the recording, he is remarkably bright. Sue eliminates the £3,000 from the board.
  • Noel commands Buddy to remove the seal from box 12 before we go to the break. We return to see the £35,000. Vic returns to his mantra about blues and low-money reds. The round heading could be so widely applied that I shall leave its application to the reader's imagination.

The offer is still £9,000. The response is still "No deal."

Up The Khyber

The fifth round is where so many games go pear-shaped. Would it be "Up The Khyber" or "Carry On Girls"?

  • Monica (who can only be likened to Barbara Windsor with Nick and Connell on either side of her, looking like the Mitchell brothers...) opens box 5: £250.
  • Sharron is next with box 2: £100,000. The Khyber approaches.
  • Finally, Paul opens box 1 and reveals the £15,000. Two of the three highest remaining sums have been wiped out.

Inevitably, the offer drops - to £4,321, as Vic had predicted after his strong second round. The response is a decisive "No deal."

Don't Lose Your Head

Five boxes remain: 1p, £10, £50, £5,000 and £50,000.

  • Vic returns to Ottis, from whom he changed his mind during the first break. Box 3 contains 1p. Well helloooooo.
  • Scary Debbie is just about the only woman to whom Vic opts not to tip a wink. Wise move, buster: she has the look of death in her eyes. Box 10 contains £50.
  • Vic has two boxes left in the wings. He opts to toss a coin. Legend has it that W G Grace was a terribly bad sport. When facing a coin-toss in the Victorian era (with VR herself on one side and Britannia on the other), Grace would bark neither "Heads!" nor "Tails!", but "Woman!" - thus guaranteeing himself the win. Given his peccadilloes, Vic might be expected to follow suit, but opts to discard Pierre's box 21 with Heads and Connell's box 20 with Tails. The coin lands Heads and Pierre reveals £5,000.

With £10 and £50,000 left, the banker clearly decides that he cannot take the risk of Vic refusing the offer. It is a decidedly generous £19,000. Equally, Vic decides that he cannot take the risk of his partner Pauline's wrath. He issues a relieved response: "Deal."

Endgame

It looks as though Vic couldn't care less about the whereabouts of the £50,000. Noel tries to create some tension by pretending that it matters, although Vic is obviously very content with his £19,000. Box 6 in fact contains the £10, whilst Connell (a younger, balder Bernard Bresslaw... now would I would say that to his face?) opens box 20 to reveal the £50,000.

Vic made the perfect deal at the perfect time, selling his £10 box for precisely £18,990 more, and charmed a few ladies in the process. All ends up, a perfect game.

Vic won £19,000. Ding dong.

4 comments:

bairy said...

Vic demonstrates his sales technique, urging the audience to join in with his odd mantra whilst waving their arms maniacally: "I'm alive, I'm well, I feel great. I'm alive, I'm well, I feel great." A self-conscious audience humours this bizarre old man by joining in half-heartedly. He then commands everyone at home to do likewise. Sorry Vic, I confess that I changed the words: "I am barely alive, I haven't slept in weeks thanks to this damned hayfever, it's gone onto my chest, the taste in my mouth suggests I've been licking the floor of a taxi, I don't feel too good right now, but thanks for asking. I suppose things could be worse: I could have something nasty, not just a little infection, and it's clearing up quite nicely with these antibiotics and a bit of Benylin. Anyway, let's just get on with the game, you weirdo."

Fantastic line. Another brilliant and very funny writeup.


I thought Vic was bloody brilliant. It did take 3 years to start the game but the fact he can still move like that at 83 is really something.
He had me creased the most saying "Come on Neil, let's go" to Noel. Genius.

Very much well done to the guy for having the guys to stay on til the end.

Adie said...

Great report Steve, and I really enjoyed the "Carry On" theme... by coincidence, my favourite character name from the films was also Vic (Vic Flange from "Abroad")

√Ćain said...

Carry on Steve - fabulous

Anonymous said...

I thought he was just one big crashing bore!!