Welcome to donduk. A refuge for those who enjoy Deal or No Deal, the hit Channel 4 gameshow hosted by Noel Edmonds. The award winning gameshow Deal or No Deal has become a big hit for Channel 4 and marks a sensational return to our screens of Noel Edmonds.

Deal or No Deal is enjoyed my millions of viewers daily, where the contestants battle with The Banker to try and win a jackpot of £250,000. Here at donduk you will find full daily reports of each show, as well Deal or No Deal news and specials. Deal or No Deal although initially appearing very simple in format of just opening a few boxes for the chance to win some big money prizes, actually has some potentially complex decisions to be made at points throughout the show, the contestants occasionally try complex or simple gameplay in an attempt to give them an edge in beating the Banker.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Lynda's game report

There is an air of the end-of-term party about DOND at the moment. We know the show is about to take its summer break, which perhaps explains the sense of almost-completeness in the studio.

Today's player is Lynda, whom I have variously likened to Hattie Jacques and Myfanwy-the-lesbian-barmaid-from-Little-Britain. In case this is insufficiently explicit, this is an opaque reference to the fact that she is a larger lady. She wears a salmon top (that's the colour, not a top made out of a salmon...) and sadly, she has few other discernible features. Lynda curtseys obligingly to her fellow contestants in the wings as she makes her way to the front and struggles to manoeuvre her ample frame into the chair.

Lynda is 34, is married to Ian and has a young son named Luke. She tells us that her family means the world to her, which is understandable given that she is a credit controller. Her job entails retrieving money owed to her employer. This is obviously fascinating work as Lynda fails completely to gush about it.

For reasons she does not disclose, Lynda would like to go to Reykjavik. As she fails to say anything else of interest during the remainder of the show, Björk (famous and Icelandic) will therefore be the theme of this report. Apropos of absolutely nothing (other than a vague bit of low-rent name-dropping), my mate's mate used to do Björk's PR. That is actually true.

Alarm Call

  • The game starts with Sharron and box 8: 50p.
  • Lynda describes Debbie as "my friend", presumably in the hope that this frightening woman will be nice. Interesting tactic. Box 2 contains £100.
  • Naqiyah is next with box 3: £750.
  • Lynda chooses Helen and box 5: £10.
  • Noel again tempts fate by pointing to just two previous all-blue first rounds. Lynda hopes this does not place a hoodoo on her but chooses box 9: Chris reveals £100,000. That's a hoodoo.

The banker calls and speaks to Lynda, who puts on the telephone voice she uses when speaking to slow payers. "I do need to get the money in in the next 45 minutes," insists Lynda. "I've heard it all before," she continues before handing over the receiver to Noel. He informs us that the banker claims his dog ate his money. He offers £7,100. Lynda doesn't take long before deciding: "No deal."

Possibly Maybe

  • Lynda picks Mark and box 7: £1.
  • Next is Giorgio, who is still wearing his hat. Box 20 reveals £15,000.
  • Lynda chooses John and box 10. Predictably, we have a break. Lance's voice announces the viewer competition in the kind of overly sombre tone last heard when Radio 4 announced the death of the Queen Mother. We return and John informs us that he is jittery about his box being picked. I hate it when this happens: the game is entirely random. Nevertheless, Lynda changes her mind to Nick and box 22, which reveals 10p.

John advises Lynda that he is worried about her game. "Everyone has aspirations, and until they're realised, aspirations are just aspirations," he says. As philosophy goes, this is not especially enlightening.

The banker calls and offers just £4,000 despite Lynda's strong round. Through Noel, he says that John's nervousness has influenced the offer. Ominously, Lynda says that this has made her decision easier: "No deal."

It's In Our Hands

Sealion-like applause emanates from Lynda as she moves on to the third round.

  • She chooses box 18: Sandra reveals £20,000.
  • Box 12 represents son Luke's birthday, says Lynda. Buddy reveals 1p. Lynda inexplicably thanks her son for being born on the 12th day of the month, failing to realise that she had more to do with it than he.
  • Finally, she opts for spiky-haired Paul and box 21: £1,000.

Noel teases Lynda with the offer: "You were disappointed with £4,000. How about £2,000? £8,000? £10,000?" He continues with this charade until he reaches £20,000. Lynda cries. Her sister Andrea comes down from the audience and issues the non-committal advice we have come to expect from the players' nearest and dearest. Sally points out that even with the worst possible next round, there would still be up to £35,000 to be won. John tries to make amends for doing down the second offer by referring to seven "disposable" amounts.

The banker calls again and offers Lynda the money in an envelope with "Lynda, Ian and Luke" written on it. Lynda insists she has already made up her mind and is therefore not listening. Noel poses the question which is met with a relieved "Deal."

Lynda apologises for accepting the deal. Hey, if someone had just presented me with £20,000 tax-free, I should not be apologising. She says that her head told her to go on while her heart wanted her to think of "her boys" and to take the deal.

There's More To Life Than This

We return from another break to find out whether or not Lynda did a great deal.

  • Lynda picks Ottis and box 13: £35,000. So far, so good.
  • Sarah is next with box 16: £500.
  • Finally, Lynda tries the new player who is introduced too hurriedly and without a close-up shot, although his name may be Khalid. Box 6 contains £75,000.

With Lynda having removed two more of the "power five", the offer would have been £11,000. Lynda insists she would have accepted this.

Violently Happy

Lynda thinks she has done a good deal at the right time. We continue to find out whether she is correct.

  • Sally opens box 1: £250.
  • Lindsay is next with box 11: £5. There is now only one blue figure left, against five reds including £50,000 and £250,000.
  • Steph opens box 15 and reveals £3,000. Lynda's face crumples.

The offer would now have reached £37,100. Lynda again says that she would have accepted this, despite having accepted two earlier offers!

It's Oh So Quiet

All together now: "Shhhhh. Shhhhh." Anyone who saw Janice Battersby from Coronation Street become the world's worst Björk impersonator on a (very minor) celebrity version of Stars in Your Eyes will never forget the sight. It was anything but quiet in that studio as she brought the house down for all the wrong reasons. The DOND studio, however, is silent as the last five boxes are £50, £5,000, £10,000, £50,000 and £250,000.

  • After her earlier change of heart, Lynda finally decides to choose John and box 10: £5,000.
  • Lance opens box 4 to reveal £10,000. This ought to be more gut-wrenching than it is.
  • Lynda tries to avoid the car-crash scenario with Nev and box 14. He finally opens the lid on the mighty £250,000 and the studio breathes a collective sigh of relief.

The offer now would have been £15,000 which Lynda again says she would have accepted. She would, in fact, have accepted all four serious offers in the show.

Conclusion

Box 19 contains just £50. Lynda comes out with the usual stale platitudes about her fellow contestants and the hospitality of the crew: she is another to inform us that she has had "the best experience of her life". Whilst this proves that Lynda was well brought up by her parents, it hardly makes for gripping television. Yes, one ought always to thank one's host, but surely not quite as publicly as this and in such gushing, embarrassing terms?

Connell is again left till last. He is either very popular, very unpopular or it's perhaps that people like to rub his baldy head for luck. Box 17, of course, contains £50,000.

Is Lynda the most boring person ever to play the game? Despite accepting the first serious offer which came her way, it's not necessarily the fact that she dealt early. It's just that once she had enjoyed her "credit controller" telephone banter, there was precious little else for her to talk about. She is, however, impossible to dislike. The money will clearly make a real difference to Lynda's life and it is obvious that it will be spent or invested wisely, starting with that holiday in Reykjavik. Luke: that's why Mum's going to Iceland.

Lynda won £20,000.

1 comment:

Ìain said...

Well done Steve - with lemons you make lemonade