Welcome to donduk. A refuge for those who enjoy Deal or No Deal, the hit Channel 4 gameshow hosted by Noel Edmonds. The award winning gameshow Deal or No Deal has become a big hit for Channel 4 and marks a sensational return to our screens of Noel Edmonds.

Deal or No Deal is enjoyed my millions of viewers daily, where the contestants battle with The Banker to try and win a jackpot of £250,000. Here at donduk you will find full daily reports of each show, as well Deal or No Deal news and specials. Deal or No Deal although initially appearing very simple in format of just opening a few boxes for the chance to win some big money prizes, actually has some potentially complex decisions to be made at points throughout the show, the contestants occasionally try complex or simple gameplay in an attempt to give them an edge in beating the Banker.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Chris's game report

DOND trundles on and Noel reminds the loyal viewer of the disastrous week enjoyed by the week's three contestants. Just £350.01 has been given away so far. Nevertheless, it is time to welcome another player to the "loneliest chair in..." well, Bristol actually.

The Jerry Springer Show comes to DOND as Chris saunters down the catwalk with box 8, pausing only to shake her ample posterior at the West Wing, then the East Wing. She then wiggles said bottom at the audience, as the camera manages to catch a look of sheer horror on the face of a young, impressionable man. Christine Bailey is a part-time school cleaner from Knottingley, West Yorkshire. She has been standing in the West Wing for 24 shows and is determined to enjoy her moment in the sun by shrieking not just loudly, but really, incredibly loudly, through her show.

Noel asks Chris to describe her photographs. "Well Jerry," begins Chris, before remembering where she is. "I've been married to Ken for 27 years and these are my kids." The "kids" turn out to be very grown-up indeed, but they still live at home. Presumably they can't find houses with the required decibel level to seem like homes. Chris asks the audience to make some noise. The assembled masses fail to match her squawking loudness.

The audience will be clearly be a subsidiary part of this show: as with Jerry Springer's human menagerie, the main attraction is the approaching car crash on the stage. Chris manages to refrain from calling any of her fellow contestants anything which requires bleeping out, but even the most zealous anti-censorship campaigner would struggle to justify her attire. Noel's rather sober striped shirt pales into tastefulness compared with Chris's monstrous top which bears a garish, indeed loud, pattern.

Round One
  • Chris begins with Helen and box 12: £15,000.
  • Forgetting her place, Chris decides to welcome new player Barbara to the game. Noel is miffed - this is his job, after all! - but Barbara opens box 1 to reveal £50.
  • Noel makes himself comfortable next to a pretty young woman in the audience. Chris chooses Naqiyah and box 2: £35,000.
  • Sarah is next with box 7: £100,000. Two of the "Power Five" have been eliminated in the first round.
  • Chris finishes off the first round with Khanny and box 11. I inadvertently re-named Khanny as Khalid last week as there was no close-up on him: apologies to the man and to you, readers. Jerry Springer producers approach him for a show entitled People always get my name wrong. Box 11 contains £100 and Chris gesticulates wildly.

Finally noticing that Noel is no longer beside her, Chris tells him: "You can come back now." Foolishly, he does. The banker calls and offers Ken £2,700 which represents £100 for each year of his suffering. He is not there to accept it, but Chris deftly rejects it on his behalf: "No deal."

Round Two

  • Chris picks Ottis and box 5: as he reveals the 10p, she begins a bizarre "chant-and-clap" combination which tests the patience of all but the most hardened Jerry Springer viewer. For the avoidance of doubt, Chris is not a transvestite pole dancer.
  • Asking for a break, Chris picks Lance (When fat men go mad), who describes her as a "wonderful woman". Well, one out of two ain't bad. Noel refuses the break request and box 4 contains £750.
  • Now we do have our break: the perfect opportunity for viewers to have some respite from Chris's racket. Giorgio is still wearing his hat indoors, a sure sign either of bad manners or of a mis-shapen head. Box 19 eliminates the £250.

An all-blue second round produces an offer of £12,000. Chris considers this; after all, she has been one of the most vociferous advocates for dealing when offers become larger. She asks Nick for advice; he believes there is one more deal on the board at least. She obviously concurs as she replies confidently: "No deal."

Round Three

  • Chris chooses Steph and box 13: £1,000.
  • Nev opens box 10 to reveal the £1.
  • Another excellent round ends with Paul (An alien stole my real hair and now I'm left with this?!) opening box 3 and showing the 50p. Chris dances around the desk with Noel.

The banker calls. Noel chats to him and asks, "Was that a rhetorical question?" Clever camera work catches Chris mouthing the words, "What does that mean?" at Nick. Noel asks her how much she wants to go home. £250,000 is the obvious reply. The offer has reached £18,000. Mark reminds Chris of her advice to Connell and Sally when their offers reached similar proportions. Noel slips behind Chris and tucks in the tag in her blouse lest everyone see where it was bought and she be invited to take part in All my clothes come from Asda but see if I care!

A sweep of the wings reveals a split opinion, with a small majority favouring the No Deal. Chris reluctantly agrees: "No deal."

Round Four

  • Sandra opens the fourth round with box 9: £3,000.
  • Maddie (When support tights go bad) is next with box 14: £5,000.
  • After the second break, Sharron opens box 17 and reveals £10,000. The three lowest remaining red sums have all been eliminated in one fell swoop.

The offer is sure to test Chris. It is £25,000 and there is consternation. Lindsay frowns, Nick stares at the board and Chris mouths "Help" at nobody in particular. Noel approaches someone vociferous in the audience: she is named Clare and she is convinced that Chris has the £250,000 in box 8. There is agreement and violent disagreement (albeit not violent on the Springer scale) as Chris takes her time. Noel asks the question and she responds with an ear-splitting "Deeeeeal!"

Round Five (after the Lord Mayor's show)

  • Sal (I like to appear on TV dressed in a pink leotard) opens box 22 to reveal £250,000 and produce the perfect next box after the deal.
  • Lindsay is next with box 18: £10 is inside.
  • Emi is the last choice in this round: she opens box 20 to reveal £75,000. The two highest sums have both gone straight after Chris accepted the deal.

The offer would have sunk to £8,000. Chris confides that she would have accepted it, worried about what was to follow.

Round Six (as it would have been played)

  • Adam opens box 16 and reveals £5.
  • Ashley is next with box 21: £500.
  • Chris is in a tricky situation if she wants to beat the banker: she has 1p, £20,000 and £50,000 left on the board. She must find the £50,000 to be sure of doing so. She chooses Mark (My head is shaped like Phil Mitchell's) and box 15, but he reveals the 1p.

The banker would now have split the difference between the remaining sums and offered £35,000. Strangely, Chris says she would have gambled at this stage, though I am not sure I believe her.

Conclusion

Noel opens box 8 and reveals that Chris was sitting with the £50,000 all along, although she will go home with half that amount. Nick opens box 6 to prove that he had £20,000.

Chris goes home just before the summer break, allowing viewers to restore the factory volume setting on their televisions. She claims to be happy with her £25,000, though a look in her eye tells a different story. She opens a small red box which she had placed beside her to present Noel with a puzzle bearing the legend "I Screwed the Banker". Now that is an entirely different, more adult show which even Jerry Springer might not be willing to broadcast.

Chris won £25,000. Have a great summer.

3 comments:

bairy said...

I'm not so bothered about the show going off air presicely because it is turning into Jerry Springer, but I am going to miss wetting myself at these Thursday write-ups.

I actually muted the game after a couple of minutes, and flicked channels after the first phonecall. I'm sure she was a nice person yada yada but holy crap she was TOO LOUD.

Adie said...

Another winning report Steve - I missed this episode but I think I got the best of things from what you & Bairy say... happy summer to you too!

Ìain said...

Well done Steve - seems the show was better on here than on TV glad I missed it :-)